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Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality
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May
22, 2000 "It's Just Sex" Intro
48 Hours
took a close look at sex in the new century.
Millions of married women have the same frustrating problem - a
lack of sexual desire. Now, science may have the answer. And, a
happily married couple, which has sex with other people - a shocking
lifestyle. And the man who let the genie out of the bottle, Hugh
Hefner, says there's no such thing as too much sex. 48 Hours,
inside the new sexual revolution.
I was very pleasantly surprised such an open balanced view was presented. The show was a breath of fresh air vs. the usual negative judgmental programs that usually air. We know of editing out good comments, or just refusing to air especially talk shows if they are sex positive due to sponsor concern and the religious agenda that is so much in control of American views and sadly politics.
48 Hours showed itself a more honest news show. It will be interesting to see if 20/20’s upcoming show on Escorts and sexworkers on the Internet, which recently taped some scenes with Phoenix providers, will be as open minded and balanced.
Contents of 48 Hours:
Summary with my (Dave in Phoenix) editorial comments
48-Hour
Introduction
The sexual images have always had their place; the subject is classic,
as basic as human nature. But
these days societies preoccupation with the most intimate details of
our intimate relations is enough to make anyone wonder, is it for
better or for worse?
Seems we are in a new sexual revolution. To some it is proof the end is near, we are too indulgent, too decadent. To others our now less inhibited approach to sex is actually saving relationships, not ruining them. You are about to meet some of the people that are pushing the limits.
Meet a very in-love swinging couple who aren’t cheating, just enjoying sex. Interviews in Trapeze swing club in Florida (which has had huge increase in members since show aired, I am on their E-mail list).
It is a love story but be warned it’s not a classic. Meet family - as kids say, they really love each other, never bored 25 year loving marriage. But they go off and swing at Trapeze, a type of nightclub most Americans have never seen. Happily married couples come to dance, eat, visit and sometimes share each other. Years ago it was called wife swapping, today it’s a rapidly growing movement known as the Lifestyle.
Sexual intimacy – right here in the club. Looks more like a supper club but as the night continues couples go from the dance floor to a co-ed locker room and the play rooms in back. Play can be anything from touching or sex – all in front of their own spouses!!
Do you ever feel a sense of shame about it? No, there is nothing to be ashamed about. We aren’t lying to each other, we are not cheating, and we are not sneaking around behind the other person. We love each other. Of course we can’t really show you what goes on back there – and you might not really want to see it if we could. Takes on private tour. Condoms right outside the door, safe sex encouraged but not always followed.
More couples making the choice to swing everyday, they might be sitting in the pew next to you in Church. Some 4 million in the nation are swinging mostly secretly. Clips of Lifestyles convention etc.
Interviewed
Terry Gould, investigative reporter (outstanding book The Lifestyle,
Terry use to be very negative in first writings about swinging but now
very positive after 4 years of research.) Swingers come from all walks
of life – a third at Lifestyles Convention have post graduate
degrees, a third vote Republican, 40% from mainstream religion.
There are strict rules. The primary rule is that there is no touching allowed without permission – No means No.
Monthly
“Swingers 101” a seminar for swingers in Tampa led by a family and
marriage counselor who goes by the name Dr. Robyn.
About commitment, making love is what you do with your partner,
having sex is just for fun. It
might not be your idea of marital bliss, but Dr Robyn’s seminars are
packed.
Why isn’t just your partner enough, why seek out other experiences? When you have dinner why do you have desert was the answer.
Dave
in Phoenix comments:
Sexual variety and intimacy connections with others, just like one
enjoys a variety of regular friends, is very natural and can enhance
the couples already great loving honest relationship if desired by
both.
But
most people indoctrinated by the religious agenda (which has no
biblical basis – just traditional teachings) just don’t get it.
Many people are designed to enjoy physical pleasure sharing with more
than just one other person for life.
WARNING however: if you do not have an honest, loving
relationship with your partner, swinging is the worst possible thing
you can do. It will not
help a bad relationship, but can enhance an already great one.
Loving more as in polyamory vs. just recreational sex of swinging, is adding love, not loving anyone else any less. In polyamory (not discussed on 48 Hours) it is about love expanding. In swinging it is about non-emotional sex play, which protects against jealousy (fear of loss) issues. Neither type of responsible non-monogamy, swinging or polyamory is better, just different.
Women with No Sex Dive Now Finding Help from Science to Achieve Normal Sexual Drive
They have everything a married couple could want, love, home, beautiful new baby boy. They have everything but sex. She has no sex drive after child, which she realizes, isn’t fair to husband who is lucky to get sex once or twice a month. At first had great sex life, until children came.
While few people are open enough about these issues to talk about it, experts estimate that up to HALF of women in America have some forms of sexual dysfunction with the most common complaint, loss of desire. Women use to suffer in silence – that may be changing. It started with a television show on which former model and show host, Christina Ferrare grabbed her audiences attention with her confession of her sudden lack of sexual desire. After blurting it out it was embarrassing. But what was embarrassing to Christina was a lifesaver for millions of women who finally felt validated that there weren’t the only ones suffering the loss of sexual drive.
Too
often doctors just say it’s all in your head with all the work of
new children etc. But if
that is what you are being told – you are seeing the wrong doctor.
Now it is clear that there is a curable medical problem related
to hormones, not your mind.
Now science can help women just like men (Viagra).
For Christina Ferrare the positive change was immediate and
dramatic, as it has been for many other women who get the right
medical treatment.
Good
discussion with Women’s Health Clinic therapists.
I
have prepared a much more in depth review based on full hour
discussion on Larry King Live May 26, 2000 "Women Losing Their
Sex Drive" with guests Christina Ferrare, the same therapists as
on 48 Hours and other guests. See New section at http://www.libchrist.com
for compete report on this very important issue.
The man who many say started it all. Now age 74 with four main women in his life, all far younger including “the twins”. Once Playboy was considered by some as a threat to our way of life. Now Playboy is quite tame compared to modern erotica on videotape and the Internet. This change to being even more sexual is not good or bad, simply the freedom of choice and having more open communications according to Mr. Hefner. Today we just celebrate our sexuality more and life.
Dr. Laura is horrified and frightened about how we have perverted the sense and well being of minors. Look at teenage magazines they use to be about zits, now full of sexuality. Parents think teen magazines are what they were when they were teens. She says its for shock value and as an example shows fashion ad with scantily clad women and a dog wearing a leather hood licking her feet and having a paw on her naked breast. She gets so upset since it didn’t make her want to buy the dress. People should be shocked by this bestiality and the fact they aren’t very desperate! The dog licking her angles is really sick stuff. It’s time to find another planet, she says.
But this planet is just fine, thank you for Hugh Hefner. “I think sex is the single most civilizing force on the planet – it is the life force.”
Housewife
Strips on Internet Faces 5 years in Jail for Self-Expression
What Tammy Robinson, mother of three, is doing in her own home may get her five years in prison. “We aren’t ashamed of sex anymore” she says. Normal housewife gets kids off to school and then gets nude on the Internet. Let’s just say it isn’t the Cleaver house anymore. She is making porn with the blessing of her husband.
What are the community standards for obscenity when it is on the Internet is the legal issue. And this test case may decide that. Tammy comes from Polk county Florida. Shows minister saying, “Pornography is wrong, if you belief it say Amen!” She got death threats but instead of going after the stalker they arrested her and husband for distribution of obscene material. The prosecutor has successfully gone after and closed every adult business that has ever opened in the county.
Tammy is ready to fight for her rights of free expression. She has hired First Amendment specialist lawyers David Wasserman and Larry Walters (well known in swing community speaking at many conventions). Tammy says, “If you don’t approve, by all means, please don’t go look at it.”
Dave comments: But that is not enough for the religious moralists in her community – they don’t want anyone to have the right to look at it, since they know what is best for everyone. It seems that unless Uncle Sam becomes our nanny, we imbecilic citizens will be completely incapable of deciding what and how much to view on the Internet!
This free speech vs. community standards standoff went on for over a year. Then Polk country decided they had better things to do than send a housewife – even a half naked housewife to prison. At one point they decided to drop the case against Tammy in return for her dropping her counter lawsuits. But then a nasty radio DJ started blasting the prosecutor and he changed his mind and is pressing the case. Attorney’s said, “pure retaliation – purely unconstitutional in every sense of the world. I think they do stuff like this in Iran.” Someday soon this will all be decided in Court. Tammy is taking on Polk County by taking off her clothes.
Teenage
sex – Oral Sex is Not Sex, and Kids Attitudes
Discusses sex with three giggly 14-year old girls from New York. They would never discuss sex with their parents. They mostly discuss boys and music.
Therapist says teenagers starting to have sex earlier and a 10 or 11 year old is a very different person than a 13 or 14 year old. Young patients she has just aren’t able to deal with the emotional consequences of sex.
Dave says, I never understood clearly from the show, what these emotional issues were. In discussions with the teens it seemed to be they developed an emotional attachment and when the relationship didn’t last it seemed it was the emotional bind that they think should be forever that is the hurt, not being sexual. This goes with the idea of being in love the same as sex, instead of teaching teens that sex can be a great pleasure sharing and leaning experience between friends instead of having to represent a permanent love that is bound by sex.
The teens talked about their hearts being ripped out, cried for days, when broke up with those who they had sex with. One girl said they should teach the emotional dangers of sex in school etc. One was worried about her reputation when had lots of sex at 15.
Is oral sex sex? Girl says, “No, I think that is just part of foreplay.” Another strongly said she decided to wait and not have sex, but she had done oral sex, since that isn’t sex. Therapist says that it is very common that oral sex is common among girls that claim they would never have sex until in some kind of relationship. Oral sex is like kissing someone, pleasure sharing, without the attachment emotional issues of intercourse. Bill Clinton of course would agree since he never had sex with Monica under the typical teenage view.
A teen girls says its hard if they have been having sex since age 10 to find guys who will respect them and wait till “it’s someone I’m with – like a real relationship”. But all boys try to talk you into sex (Dave says, which is just being natural since after puberty the body is designed to be sexual, not abused by not having sex, but masturbation can be a healthy substitute and may be emotionally less dangerous than sex with a person until one has a more mature attitude.)
A teen parent/writer says the key to parenting is communications and keeping an open mind. “But they won’t be age 14 forever. We will have no control completely over what they are going to do, but with good communications we will teach them good judgment,” says a parent.
The
great show ends with the politically correct statement “If
your kids tell you they already know all about the facts of life, the
experts say you can tell them that’s fine but you still need to hear
it from your parents.”
Dave
says, a well-balanced honest program – I bet they get lots of
attacks from the religious groups for not promoting their repressive
dishonest religious agenda,
This review with excerpts, with full credit, is being shared under the Fair Use provision of the U.S. Copyright laws and International treaties for educational purposes and for no financial gain.
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